Last Night's Three in a Bed - Reviewed by James From The Ashton B&B, Lancaster

I'm a bit concerned James maybe after my job! This is a fantastic review well done James. I think you should go on the next series!

Well it's my last night of curling up on the sofa covering my face in a mixture of horror and delight at the B&B owners on tonight's '3 in a Bed.' It's only the last episode of series 1 and already the programme is becoming pretty formulaic; representing the knobs we have Nick & Georgina of Grade 2 listed, 5 star rated, Frampton House in gorgeous rolling Dorset. In the pleb corner we have Pat & Wilf who's 3 star Granville is perfectly situated should you need deep fried cuisine and slot machines in England's glamorous North West. Not even in the ring (but hovering in an aura cloud just above) are Melvyn & Ann who's unrated Nut Tree Cottage couldn't be better named.

So first stay of the episode is to sunny Blackpool and our fellow B&B'ers pull no punches on the journey to Pat & Wilfs but from very different perspectives. Nick worries about his hubcabs, Geogina declares it not somewhere she would choose to visit. Melvyn rumminates over the environmental impact of the Illuminations. Ann just looks tired & bored by her husband. Inside it's clean, tidy & funtional for £50 a night what else could you expect? For the first time this series no one does a white glove, hotel inspector dust check, YAY!

Pat & Wilfs entertainment takes in the Golden Mile & bingo at the social. To Georgina it's like "Laura Ashley on an acid trip" but everyone joins in with the social club fun & we're treated to Nick's pink panted Dad dancing.

As you can imagine breakfast performs true to form, the only form of fruit comes from Mr Delmonte & everyone is presented with a plate your GP would proclaim as morbidly obese. The post breakfast check out scores Pat & Wilf 100% with everyone paying their £50 room rate.

So from the Vegas of the North it's off to experience some Southern hospitality. True to form the welcome at Frampton House is accompanied by a pack of black labs, shame they couldn't rustle up a minor royal to take tea with though. Nick & Georgina are truly welcoming & after depositing their guests in antique stuffed rooms leave them to inspect. Yet again no white glove tests or desperate dust seeking activities ensue, just a cup of tea & time for Melvyn to absorb a 'wonderful energy.' Despite the prospect of a good nights sleep in a comfy bed Ann looks as knackered as ever and has an emotional moment on the boat as our trio catch fish for tonight's dinner.

Despite Georgina's restaurant quality cooked dinner (a bargain at £25 per person including wine, price will increase after my stay) the knobs only score 95% with Wilf knocking off £5 for the lack of smoke alarms in the bedrooms & Pat being very concerned about being overlooked in the bathroom while doing her make up. Personally I think the sheep should be voicing their concerns. Melvyn & Ann pay 100% despite having as cold a nights sleep as always at different corners of the bed. (MELVYN, SHE HATES YOU!)

Last visit of the episode sees our intrepid B&B'ers off to Somerset for between the Cheddar Valley & Glastonbury Tor lies Nut Tree Cottage a rustic reworking of Steptoe's Yard. Our pre ad break exchange with owners Melvyn & Ann hadn't been 100% positive. "Are you looking forward to playing hostess?" "Not really, it's not my thing." Bodes well....

The rooms at Nut Tree Cottage look gorgeous, hand crafted, simple, clean & tastefully done. They might be Ann's Dorian Grey. Melvyn starts off the afternoon's excursion with meditation in the stone circle he built on ley lines after psychic messages. Wilf picks up the same messages in this special place, unfortunately his are from Vodafone, not quite the same calming effect. In a similar vein the afternoons coach rides takes his guests on a similar yawn inducing tour of spiritual sites, not even the spunk fountain raises a smile.

Breakfast proves the real trial as we watch Ann turn out plates of vegan sausages with an expression that just wants you to call Amnesty International & release her from her misery. The final scores on the doors are knobs 100% plebs £5 short, Wilf had trapped wind & was again worried about smoke alarms (please can someone tell them chip pan fires are not that common in the South.) So a draw with Frampton House & this week's winners of the 'Best Value Award' are Pat & Wilf at The Granville.

Interestingly it wasn't the car crash episode you'd expect to end a series, all the couples were incredibly aware they had different guests, markets & prices. What did you did notice was people's different reasons for doing B&B; for the knobs it's a steady income for when the stocks and shares aren't performing, for the plebs it's everything, job, life, pension, passion. Whilst at the Nut House it's needed, if not wanted, to pay the mortgage. 

Quite a heart warming episode & I was almost tempted to call Channel 4 about about the next series and then I realised - ARE YOU F*****G BONKERS!!!

James runs The Ashton B&B in Lancaster. He'd love you to stay and write a review!

The Ashton
Wyresdale Road
Lancaster, LA1 3JJ
01524 68460

North West Tourism Awards B&B of the Year 2009/10
Lancashire & Blackpool Guest Accommodation of the Year 2009/10

Filed under  //  3 in a bed   channel 4   three in a bed channel 4  
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Behind The Scenes of Channel 4’s Three in a Bed – The Contestants’ Stories

With the series coming to an end this week, I asked former contestants about their experience filming and what affect the show had on their businesses

Reality TV tends to divide opinions. Some (like me) think it is the best thing since the Vuvuzela Silencer (please someone make this!) Others believe it’s the devil’s work - an artificially constructed reality, designed to ruin the reputations of those taking part, in aid of cheap audience titillation.

I was concerned about asking the contestants if they found it a positive experience. Worried they might swear at me because the show had ruined their lives. TV is still a very powerful medium and can make or break businesses. 

The first owner who agreed to talk was Andrew from The Lodge in Avebury. Cast your mind back to Episode Two and Andrew charged £250 a night and an extra £75 for a tour around the stone circle, which the B&B looks over.

Even though the owners (including the former S&M prostitute… now you remember!) paid well under the room rate and gave the place a bit of a thrashing, Andrew still enjoyed the experience.

“I have been repeatedly recognized in the street since the show,” he said. “99% of approaches have been kind and friendly. There was just one woman who wasn’t nice. She called me a Wan*er for saying that a megalithic stone was symbolic of a clitoris. She evidently lacked any sense of humour.”

Andrew had a good response from his family and despite the B&Bs negative feedback in the show bookings are up. “I had the best May ever and far more show related bookings than I had ever expected.”

Ray and Julie Bright from the Ashleigh Hotel in Bournemouth (Episode Six) also didn’t win but have a positive story. (You may remember it was a very commercial operation and the breakfast was served in trays) “Our site had an extra 96,000 hits that night and an extra 170,000 for the end of May - better than we could have ever hoped for. We had many bookings from the show and moved up the Google rankings.”

Arthouse B&B in Canterbury (Episode Four) also had a worthwhile experience, even though the owners who visited weren’t anywhere near their target market and criticized their DIY breakfasts.

“We have been much busier and have been recognised lots in the street which is fun. We’ve been inundated with very positive and supportive e mails which is fantastic.”

No doubt some owners will regret taking part. Like the lady who took her own sausages for breakfast and then embarrassingly mistook the hosts sausages for her own. Or the woeful ghost hunting experience in Scotland, that went down like a haggis at a vegan convention.

But these people failed to answer my emails or phone calls. I emailed every B&B that took part throughout the series and no one replied with any negative comments. Maybe the ones that did have a bad experience just didn’t want to talk about it. I have no obligation to Channel 4 and I'm sure readers would have been empathetic towards them if they said the show had forced them to improve their practices which they have done, or that they were harshly edited. 

In the email I wrote, ‘This is your chance to have your say. If you didn’t like the way your business was portrayed in the show, then please say so.’ Their silence speaks volumes. It says to me that they have no excuse for their silly behaviour and bad business practices, and can’t blame anyone but themselves. 

Veronica and James Ritchie from Hanover House, Cheltenham (Episode 7/8, the one where Veronica got upset and asked to stop filming) were very helpful and sent me so much information I can’t fit it all in here.

“Filming was extremely enjoyable and we were looked after very well. The young team was friendly and we got on with them very well indeed. Even after filming was complete we kept in regular touch with Studio Lambert and they frequently emailed us to find out how we were and to keep us in touch with progress. The experience as a whole was very good, and the organization and administration by Studio Lambert in arranging travel, accommodation etc was first class.

 “They did a very good job overall, depicting us as fairly as possible. At one point at the end, when we had been paid considerably less than we thought we were worth, but conscious of the ‘tactical voting’ by the couple determined to win, Veronica was overcome by emotion and asked the team to stop filming. When it came to the editing, the team thought that that particular scene was quite touching and emailed to ask if they could include it anyway, to which we agreed. They could have included it nonetheless if they had so chosen as we had signed away our rights to stop it in the contract, but they had the decency to ask us if we would object.

 In the weeks since transmission, we have been deluged by supportive emails, some from previous guests but surprisingly a number from other B&B owners around the country who thought we had been unfairly treated and thought us the best. “However B&Bs are a matter of personal taste, and no doubt the other owners would have received similar supportive emails.

“Many of the supportive emails said that they’d definitely stay with us if and when they came to Cheltenham, but were not definite bookings. We have had a number of bookings as a direct result of the programme too.

“In summary we have no regrets at all in taking part. We had an interesting and amusing time, which was very enjoyable. We were flown to Durham and stayed in other good precursor B&Bs and all at no cost to ourselves.”

 

If you would like to appear in the show contact Emily Hudson at Studio Lambert on threeinabed@studiolambert.com or 0207 534 2030.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/three-in-a-bed

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Three in a Bed Gets Weirder

Last weeks ‘clothing optional’ gay stay was almost out-weirded last night by a man with an 80’s perm and a penchant for cuddly dollies.

It was the usual recipe that’s kept Channel 4 viewers entertained in a variety of forms for some time now – mix together groups of people with very different  (and generally odd) values and watch the fireworks.

It all started off wonderfully civilized with our owners staying in Jeake's House in Rye – a literary themed B&B ran by ex-opera singer Jenny Hadfield and her partner Richard Martin. The explicit image of a naked lady and a cat (that wasn’t drinking milk!!) didn’t put our owners off, their only complaint was paying £3 for parking.

Next stop was Baron’s Court in Yarmouth, a classic example of a badly marketed, but well ran B&B. From the pictures our couples had formed negative opinions of the hotel, but after their stay they were all pleasantly surprised.

“This is a really well run ship”, said Richard. Even some shoddy loo paper and a cobweb (!) couldn’t put them off and the guests paid well over the £50 room rate.

In usual Channel 4 style the weirdest was left ‘til last. Sam and Jules from Lunan Lodge in Scotland had made some astute observations of the other B&B’s and until Sam answered the door in a kilt, it looked like they may steal the show.

Cuddly toys everywhere! Lunan Lodge is not just resided by an army of (weird, and scary!) cuddly toys but by ghosts too. Apparently.

Our owners stayed up all night with some (suspect) local ‘ghost hunters’ and listened to something making angry noises on a tape machine.

But this wasn’t the main complaint. The owners weren’t cross at staying up all night, at some kind of ghost-themed pyjama party in your little sister’s bedroom, nor where they particularly disturbed by the soft furnishings... and the breakfast got top marks.

What Loony, sorry I mean Lunan Lodge failed to provide was essential en-suite bathrooms.

“I haven’t had a poo all weekend and I really need one.” Said Richard, “No one should be made to go in the bathroom after me.”

Priceless.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/three-in-a-bed/4od#3067726

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